If You Visit Europe Bring Back an Accent

The one thing that I still regret about my life is that I've never fluently spoken any language other than my native English--nor do I see myself fluently speaking any language other than my native English any time soon. Despite living in Poland for six years and coming from Polish decent I've never spoken more than the basics: "Hello," "Goodbye," "Thank you," "You're welcome," "Excuse me," and "F*ck!" (of course).

But I never expected it would be such a disapointment for the Americans I've met too. When I tell the riveting tale of my life outside the USA the inevitable inquiry I get is, "What do they speak in Poland?" (Okay, maybe that one isn't inevitable but I still am asked it a lot more than I would expect of these Americans).

No, of course when I say the "inevitable question" I mean, "Do you speak Polish?"--or if they don't know that in Poland we speak Polish--"Do you speak what they speak there?" And I am always met with disappointment when I regretfully admit that no, I speak only English (though sometimes I stretch the truth to say I speak enough to get around, which is technically true as you don't really need much Polish to "get around" since most everybody can speak English).

What's worse is that I don't even have a friggin' accent. Something exotic like British! (apparently the only foreign dialect of English that comes to American's minds). My lack of an accent also leads to some confusion: "You come from Poland? You speak English very well, you can hardly tell it's not your native language."

Yep. I've got them all fooled. XD